Dads Matter Too! Engaging Fathers in Parenting Services
When you hear the word Parent, who do you think of first? … At quick response, most people say Mom. All too often Dads aren’t given the credit they deserve. Despite decades of research supporting Dads’ valuable contributions to children’s development, they are often portrayed in the mass media (e.g., TV, radio, Internet, movies) as the goofy playmate, the incompetent caregiver, the uninterested bystander, or the stern disciplinarian who stands in for Mom every so often.
What Do Dads Look Like on TV?
In an article, titled Americans’ Views of Fathers’ Competency as Parents Through a Mass Media Lens, in the Zero to Three Journal (May, 2015, pp.11-17), Christopher Brown, President of the National Fatherhood Initiative, pointed out examples in TV programs and commercials that promote stereotypes of Dads. Too often these stereotypes are negative depictions that are far from the nurturing Dad who lives in many households today. Considering the pervasive influence of mass media, it’s no wonder that mothers, fathers, children, and as Brown cautions, perhaps even professionals, may fall into the trap of perpetuating the myth that a sensitive and attentive Dad is the exception rather than the rule.
I am frequently struck by this issue in my work. Our validation research with the KIPS parenting assessment showed differences in the way Moms and Dads carry out parenting behaviors, but similar overall quality of parenting between Dads and Moms (see Comfort, Gordon & Naples, Infants & Young Children, vol. 24(1), 56-74). In training family support and mental health practitioners to assess parenting quality, we find that some women at first misinterpret father-style parenting. Even though they have been taught about gender differences in parenting, some have difficulty recognizing and valuing the differences in practice. Gender differences in parenting often complement each other, offering children a wider range from which to learn about social interactions.
How Is Dads’ Parenting Behavior Valuable, But Different?
To its credit, around Father’s Day the Wall Street Journal exclaimed, Moms, Let Dad Be Dad in a headline. Some people wonder why it’s important for Moms to step aside to give Dads the space to be themselves with their children. Have you ever paid close attention to what Dads do with their children? If you have, you’ll recognize the eye-catching cartoons of four aspects of Dad-style play–often arousing, physically active, offering challenges, and full of surprises. These aren’t owned by men, but tend to show up more often during Dad-Child interactions. For those of you who are familiar with the KIPS parenting assessment, you’ll find them strikingly similar to the behavior descriptions of 4 of the 12 KIPS behaviors.
- Encouragement
- Supportive Directions
- Involvement in Child’s Activities
- Reasonable Expectations
Despite the common perception of mother as the more important parent, there’s plenty of research to back up the significance of father-child interactions (to learn more, see The Role of the Father in Child Development, 5th Edition). Dads typically interact differently with their children than Moms do.
And that is frequently a plus!
Sensitive fathering—responding to, talking to, scaffolding, teaching and encouraging their children to learn—predicts children’s socio-emotional, cognitive, and linguistic achievements just as sensitive mothering does (e.g., Conner, Knight, & Cross, 1997; Easterbrooks & Goldberg, 1984; Shannon, Tamis-LeMonda, London, & Cabrera, 2002; Van IJzendoorn & De Wolff, 1997). Such findings suggest that fathers can and do engage with their children in many different ways, not only as playmates, and that they are more than role models for their children. (Role of the Father in Child Development, page 4).
As recent proof, researchers at the Frank Porter Graham Child Development Institute at the University of North Carolina, studied rural parents’ and preschool children’s conversations during picture book reading. They found that the length of Moms’ sentences predicted Kindergarten children’s ability to solve simple word problems. Going beyond Moms’ influence, Dad’s length of sentences more strongly predicted both the children’s vocabulary and their ability to solve word problems.
Misperceptions May Come From Our Own Past Experiences
If parents and professionals have had negative experiences with fathers in their own lives (e.g., their own fathers or husbands/partners of their own children), they are at risk for generalizing the negative views of fathers shaped by their own experiences to all fathers, with those views then reinforced by the mass media’s negative portrayals of fathers. . . . When professionals hold negative views of fathers, they are reluctant to engage fathers and may unwittingly support negative maternal views of fathers by not encouraging the mothers to involve fathers. . . . [or] by not proactively engaging fathers to show them they can be good parents. (Americans’ View of Fathers’ Competency. page 14)
Give Dads an Equal Opportunity to Engage Fully in Family Services
In family support and health services we’ve been neglecting Dads or assigning him the secondary parent role for generations. The reason used to be that Moms were available at home during the day and Dads were at work. But times have changed, families have changed, and so have the work, school, relationships and caregiving responsibilities of Moms and Dads. An observational parenting assessment tool can help by providing an unbiased view of a father’s interaction with his child. Anecdotally, parenting programs have found that implementing a parenting assessment can increase Dads’ participation in services.
What are you doing to engage Dads as equal partners in nurturing their children?